I had a routine monthly check up yesterday. I was really excited before the appointment to hear the heart beat and once again be reassured that everything was still ok. The first few months of pregnancy are strange, there are outward signs that something is changing, such as my growing belly, but other than that, not much signals to a little life beginning inside. No kicks, no sounds, no discernible movements. I rely on the ultrasounds and Doppler to reassure me that this is real, that there is really a little being growing inside me.
So, there I am, laying on the table at the doctor's office with my greased up belly exposed, waiting for the nurse to find the heart beat. She moves the Doppler from side to side, then up and down, and again from side to side... Fear begins to creep in. I hear a faint heart beat, which she tells me is my own. Where is the heart beat? Where is the sign of life that I so needed and longed to hear? I begin to pray silently.
The nurse comments that she is having trouble locating the heart beat and it is probably just the position of the baby. She goes to fetch the doctor. As I wait for the doctor, the fear creeps in harder. I pray as silent tears streak my cheek. I text my best friend, asking her to pray.
The doctor comes in and is able to locate a faint, muffled, heart beat. He says that it is definitely the fetal heart beat and that he can hear the limbs moving. He said the nurse had trouble finding it because the baby is lower than expected for 18.5 weeks. He said that the baby was hiding and in a position that made it hard to hear the heart beat.
His words assured me while I was there. However, when I left, the fear crept in again. I am trying to pray and release my worries. I'm sure the doctor would not release me if there was any concern. I also trust that the Lord is watching over me and my baby. This is hard though. These doctors visits are what I look forward to for reassurance that everything is ok. This particular visit just left me with more fear.
I do not want to lack faith by worrying, so I am trying not to. Please pray for me and the health of the baby.
Matthew 6:25-27 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
So, there I am, laying on the table at the doctor's office with my greased up belly exposed, waiting for the nurse to find the heart beat. She moves the Doppler from side to side, then up and down, and again from side to side... Fear begins to creep in. I hear a faint heart beat, which she tells me is my own. Where is the heart beat? Where is the sign of life that I so needed and longed to hear? I begin to pray silently.
The nurse comments that she is having trouble locating the heart beat and it is probably just the position of the baby. She goes to fetch the doctor. As I wait for the doctor, the fear creeps in harder. I pray as silent tears streak my cheek. I text my best friend, asking her to pray.
The doctor comes in and is able to locate a faint, muffled, heart beat. He says that it is definitely the fetal heart beat and that he can hear the limbs moving. He said the nurse had trouble finding it because the baby is lower than expected for 18.5 weeks. He said that the baby was hiding and in a position that made it hard to hear the heart beat.
His words assured me while I was there. However, when I left, the fear crept in again. I am trying to pray and release my worries. I'm sure the doctor would not release me if there was any concern. I also trust that the Lord is watching over me and my baby. This is hard though. These doctors visits are what I look forward to for reassurance that everything is ok. This particular visit just left me with more fear.
I do not want to lack faith by worrying, so I am trying not to. Please pray for me and the health of the baby.
Matthew 6:25-27 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
I'm sorry you had to experience that!! so glad to see your next post and that you were reasuured and all is going so well x
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